My toe amputation                        


I was reading a lot about "body modifications" and Iīve seen a lot of pictures on websites.  For me it seemed to be great to be modified. So I wanted to do it myself. First I wanted to do a circumcision with a scissor. I stood in my bathroom with my penis and my scrotum in the wash-hand basin. I started to cut, but it caused too much pain and I stopped the procedure. Luckyly I had a day off, so I could wrap my penis into a lot of bandages and lay me down into my bed.  Poor coward. After my foreskin had healed I started interesting in amputations. It never crossed my mind to think about amputation of a leg or any bigger limb. Hey, I still need to walk. I must say, that I like pictures of amputees, and I like pictures of  arms without hands, but how should I do my work with one hand and how can I explain my mum, that I now only have one hand. Lost it in an accident? Forget it. I was much too scared to cut off my hand because of the bleeding and of losing too much blood. So I decided to cut off a smaller limb. A toe. Thatīs nice and easy. And no one (mum) can see, when I wear socks.

So I went to a do-it-yourself market and I bought a hammer and a tool, that has a long metal body with a sharp edge on the lower end and a wooden top (itīs something , that a carpenter uses when he works with wood. I donīt know the english name of the tool right know}. Two days later I went into my shower and sat down on the edge. I have put an old catalogue into the shower tub. I used some loudspeaker cable to tie up my future toe stump and some icecubes to anaesthetize my toe. I was very scared that I will only break the bone. That will cause no amputation, but a lot of pain. After I tested that I donīt feel anything in my tip of the toe, I put the tool at a position in the middle of the joint under the nail. I still felt no pain, but my heart was pounding like crazy. I lifted the hammer and then let it fall down. My upper toepart was nearly off. It was just hanging on some skin. I was cutting it totaly off with another hit with the hammer. 

I put the rest of my toe on the edge of the tub and let water flow over my toe stump, the tub and the walls and everywhere where blood was. For a moment I felt sick and there was heavy rustling noise in my ears. I was bleeding like hell. I took a lot of tissue, bandages and finally a towel. Then I robbed by sitting on my ass into the livingroom. I layed down on the couch. After a long time I lifted the towel and all the bandages are wet and red of blood. I looked at my toe. The blood was pumping out of the wound and suddenly a little fountain came out of it and the blood landed directly at my white wall. Thank you. I found now sleep that night, because
I was too excited and the pain was immense. The next days I spent on my couch and I was moving only by robbing over the ground with keeping the food up in the air. And every time I did that I felt a pounding feeling in my toe. After a couple of days I was in my bathroom to clean it up. It looked like after a ritual massacre. I put my white and bloodless rest of my toe which I had layed on the tubīs edge into a bin liner where all my rubbish was in. My former bodypart felt strange in my hand and it was disgusting. I went out to throw the bag into the trashcan in front of my house. I never wanted to see my tip of toe again.

I did that during my holidays and when I had to get back to work I used different pairs of Birkenstock-sandals, because when I started to sweat in my sportshoes the healing stopped and a lot of the water came out of the wound flew into my socks. When the pain was too much, I used some moisturizing cream to make the woundīs crust smooth again. So I could walk with less pain. The negative side of this is, that the wound will produce more liquid wich will go directly into your socks and your shoes. But after three month the wound has almost healed. I donīt regret it, cuz I love my little stump which still needs some care. Next summer everybody can see it  -except my parents (what will they think of me?!)- when I wear my sandals without socks.

So if you think about an amputation of any limb, be sure you have detergent at home you can remove blood from your carpet with and remember: It hurts, very much bleeding, pain, do it in summer, be an owner of some Birkenstockshoes, have enough pairs of socks, be patient (healing can take long), ask yourself if you will need your limb in future (hand, leg, arm, foot). And if you want do it, you should better amputate two toes or more at the same time. The pain is the same and all problems, too. Maybe I will cut off another toe, but I still remember the time of pain and blood. So I guess it will take a time, until I will do it again. But Iīm sure I will do it one day. My dream is to have all toes totally amputated. But I think this should be done by a professional. If you should know one, please mail me.


from: Kay, male, 27, Germany