monopaedia fanatica
 

I have desired one legged women for 40 of my 44 years.

I was a slight child who used to get roughed up quite a lot by bullies at school. Also my family was (very unjustly indeed!) called "fascist", so we were very far outside the mainstream. And I was left handed, so I got shat on by teachers at school. Maybe this is why I felt stigmatised and had an inferiority complex that made me feel compassion for other stigmatised people, and one legged women in particular.

I have a friend who is a rehabilitator of amputees. When I decided to tell her of my attraction to one legged women, she (being ethical) naturally refused to introduce me to any of them. But she was sympathetic -- she realised how lonely and depressed I got at times. So she fixed up for me to go to a psychiatrist and try psychoanalysis and musical threapy. This did not help me one bit -- the doctor suggested I might be a corpophiliac (one who likes shit), which hand on heart I am not. I was insulted but continued the experiment two years before giving up.

I also heard from this doctor that devotees may be voyeurs (ones who like looking). This is something with which I agree. I find one legged women irresistibly intriguing to observe, for reasons that include the very unusual ways they walk, move, and -- well -- look. There is more than exotica in it, however. I find the thought of one legged women's genitalia and their leg stump most sexually intriguing. I often wonder how they experience their stump and how they function during intercourse.

I am mature enough to realise these speculatons are mere fantasies, and that the reality is mundane -- for the women, and for their partners. But I have had these thoughts since four, and I will die with them.

It is very rare for one to see a one legged woman. In all my life I have been lucky only 25 times in all. I catalogue each occasion in my mind, and sometimes I sit down and write them all out and calculate odds, means, averages and standard deviations on when I will see another such lady again. Last time was over two years ago, so I hope it is soon...

Although I feel I may have a voyeuristic streak, I am not a nuisance and do not pursue one legged women. In fact, although I have seen some of "my" 25 women more than once (there are 59 separate occasions), this has been purely accidental. I would not go near surgical hospitals or prosthetics centres because I feel this would be dastardly and would break their privacy.

On one occasion I did go to Bosnia + Herzegovina to help after the war, and maybe I had some hope of meeting a one legged woman there, but alas! No such luck in over two months of humanitarian work.


I have always had a feeling that one legged women are aware of their exoticity and sex appeal for some men like me. Some of the ones I have encountered leave me in no doubt that they, at least, do know! But for many years I was cocooned into my head and totally unaware of the fact that there were other people who were attracted to amputees. Even my psychanalyst knew nothing of the phenomenon of "devoteeism".

Such a joy it was to find on the Internet so many fields with amputee and devotee content, read and supported by so many people, including amputees! This happened in 1996 for me. It gives me great joy, and also a sense of regret because of the passage of my youth when I could have made so much with this knowledge. Alas!!!

I have a wonderful wife and child, and they know nothing of my "devoteeism". She is physically ordinary (two legged), yet she is so kind and loving, I would not hurt her in any way, including especially by learning about my "devoteeisam". I would hate for this to happen, not because I am ashamed (I accept things as they are), or because I feel it is shameful to desire "crippled women" (for I do not see one legged people as crippled at all!!! they are supremely able!!). I do it because of human decency, or so I fool myself...

And so I wonder what will happen if I meet one legged woman "as a gentleman". I will probably hide my feelings and go away. But the thought that I might be tempted into adultery is also present in my mind and causes distress and pleasant fantasies in equal measure. Human nature...

Incidentally, my rehabilitator friend said that "devoteesim" may be caused by past lives... if one believes reincarnation. She does, and is quite adamant about it.

Let me tell you of some of my experiences. When I was little I used to see a one legged lady about 20 years older than me. She was very popular in my neighbourhood, and very attractive. She knew... Always dressed beautifully and manicured, and coiffured, with smart wooden crutches. She was very strong and sporting in her movement on one crutch. I think she had lost her leg when she was run over by a tramcar. Eventually she married and went to live abroad with her husband.

Another time on holiday I saw a wonderful foreign girl with one leg who was in a bikini. I only glimpsed her for a few dozen seconds, and felt I had to move on. She had metal crutches by her side on the beach, and a small scarred stump which moved a little as she moved her body around.

Once I saw a young woman on the street with one leg and wooden crutches. She had a pair of jeans on and walked very very fast by me. her face was lovely and I felt the aroma of her perfume very strongly. She was maybe 15-18 years younger than me.

Another time I saw a woman in her mid to late 30s with one crutch and quite a big leather cushion between her crutch and her upper body. She walked with some dignity and looked quite provocatively at some men who walked before me, but ignored (or did not notice) me. She knew too, I am certain. She had a carnal glint in her eyes and was dressed to draw attention.

Many times I see one legged women and girls who use prostheses. I am sure they are wonderful, but for me the full force of their impact is absent because of the cosmesis. They probably want to avoid provoking the obnoxious attention that would result from making their one leggedness obvious and appearing so different from the norm.
 

 

from: Gose, male, 44,Jugoslavija.
e-mail: 
goso@mbox.net.yu